At the beginning of this project, I wanted to know the ‘new me’ better. It felt like post-natal depression has changed me in ways I didn’t fully understand and honestly, it was a little strange – I wasn’t sure if I would like the ‘new me’.
But at some point between then and now, I have stopped thinking about the ‘new me’ as the ‘new me’ and now it’s more or less, erm, just me? Which is good because I am more comfortable in my own skin now?
Also recently while praying for wisdom to speak to three different friends in different crisis, I remembered this verse in 1 Corinthians 1:4 which says that it is God “who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
I thank God for using me to comfort my friends in their time of need. If I had not experienced God’s comfort during post-natal depression, I would not have the gentleness and sensitivity to listen to my friends.
So it’s come full circle now – the comforted is comforting others. It’s a good sign of recovery that I am able to look out for others. In my email to one of the friends, I had this to say which is a nice way to end this project:
“Actually I don’t understand much about depression medically, apart from my own experience. Which was awful… and one of the events in my life with the most lasting impact, both good and bad. But i know that whatever we know or don’t know about depression, it cannot harm us eternally. It may steal our joy for awhile on earth but there will be an eternity of inexpressible glory and joy with God. Jesus triumphs over depression. He is our king and he will lead us home safely.”
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I am thinking of moving back to WordPress hahaha.
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It is very well that at a time I am repenting of the sins from my tongue, there is a whole conference full of messages about words – The Power of Words and the Wonder of God.
Father, not by what my eyes see, my ears hear, nor my heart feels… but only Your Spirit can lead me to speak words that do Your will in the lives of others.
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Pray to incline my heart and mind towards serving the interests of others before I meet them.
Because it is against human nature to consider others better than myself the way Jesus did (Philippians 2:5-7), and so I need His help.
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I had a long and fruitful discussion with Timo this evening about cell groups, training leaders and discipling others. A good discussion is one that leaves me thinking long after the conversation is over. And today I had this one thought:
Being clear is not the same as being right.
Though there are certain things about ministry which I am able to articulate in a clearer way because I had thought through it, that alone does not make me right. And on the flipside, sometimes though I am not very clear in explaining my thoughts, that alone should not be a discouragement as well.
It was a good lesson about listening – though I think I was so passionate about what I was saying, I talked a lot – and humility.
The funny thing is, I discovered later from Graham that everyone sitting outside Timo’s office could hear us haha! Errr.
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A good question was posed rhetorically yesterday: What is the most spiritual experience that man could have?
Answer: To know God in a relationship by grace through faith.
Comparison between experiences that appear to bring one closer to God is moot. Salvation – and therefore a relationship with God – is effective through the blood of Christ, and not through the affections of man.
And another question: What is the most sure way to obey God?
Answer: To trust in the word of God and follow it.
At a time I thought I was merely following what I know is right in the Bible and it’s not as intimate; I felt like perhaps my friends knew God a little better and able to hear His voice and obey Him from personal pointers.
So I am comforted that even in my sinful heart, mundane life and weakest moment of struggle… I know God and I trusted in His word. Therefore my experience was spiritual, therefore I was obedient to Him.
Now to grow in my knowledge of my Lord Jesus Christ and trust in His word more and more.
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